Old Memory's Fly Across The Sky

So tonight I work till closing at my job. I was on SF muni and the bus was passing by all these places I had been to with either friends or people I used to have strong feelings for. It's weird going by places you either had weird moments with or associate bad things with........so many things, so many things.

Maybe This is a good thing

When you see my life people have a tendency of saying it's typical, you shouldn't be worrying so much about things. Laugh some more, stop taking things so serious. Now I have no idea why I'm this way, I have always been the one to say stop when things start getting hairy and acting like the grown up. I actually hate feeling like i'm 5 years older then I am but my emotions fool me every time. I would love to have a balance but its either extreme or to little. I'm for sure programed different, not necessarily a bad thing but it for sure gets in the way I would love to live my life. I look at my brother and he works his ass off to maintain everything he has and I'm so proud of him, he is becoming the man he wants to be. As for me, I feel behind, like I'm slacking. I want everything now but that is not how things work. What I want is not necessarily the things I need.

Last April when I thought I was pregnant, I wasn't sure if my life would forever be changed or if I was even pregnant but the great thing is that I wasn't but I wanted it to be true but it wasn't what I needed. Kinda get what I said.

I know some of the things I said don't make sense but I for my mind and way of thinking does for me.

I better get some sleep

Rambles

Darkness is once again filling my soul.
Even with all the love that surrounds me from my family members there are certain ones that wish to see nothing better then to see me fall. Those people I would like no better then to slap around but what exactly can I do about them then to see let them get the better of me. I'm finding out there are family members who think very little of me and who think I will probably amount to nothing but be my mother in another generation form. I myself want nothing of that sort. I am dead scared that something will just fall on my path and keep from achieving what I want. I don't know where my career is headed or even if things will let me get there. I don't know what the future holds but I certainly hope it will lead to somewhere I never dreamed of. 


With everything that is happening in my life right now, I certainly don't know what to expect anymore. My mom is the hospital, my loving boyfriend was in the hospital just 3 months ago fighting to be strong again and get back to school so he can finally begin his life. These are two of the most loved people in my life wither they like it or not. My boyfriend and my mother had similar surgery's which freaks me out it's like god is trying to tell me to keep the things I cherish the most closer and not let life pull me away from them although I know I can't always protect them and I know one of these people won't always be in my life but I can love my brother and my mother for my entire life. 


I think I'm gonna stop here for now

Welcome to my life

This blog will mainly express my feelings, my thoughts, my worries, my doubts, my outlook on life. Poetry is my therapy my form of art, I'm just your average girl living in this world, follow my roller coaster ride!